


It's Kind of an Annual Thing

by silver_duchess



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: BBC Sherlock - Freeform, But then he makes it better, Cell Phones, F/M, M/M, Sherlock cockblocks John, Texting, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 04:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_duchess/pseuds/silver_duchess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sherlock is frustrating and John simply wants someone to be with on Valentine’s Day.</p><p>“…  I cannot even fully express my hatred of you right now. JW</p><p>How is Holly? Do send my regards. -SH</p><p>Heather. JW</p><p>It's all greenery, John. Who names their child after greenery? –SH”</p><p>Co-authored by wibblywobbly-doctorywoctory (from tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Kind of an Annual Thing

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is split directly in half as far as writing and creative license goes. I wrote Sherlock, and wibblywobbly-doctorywoctory (from tumblr), who is clearly very awesome, wrote John. This fic is the cleaned up version of a chat on Omegle, neither of us knew each other or where it was going. This fandom is just cool like that. Of course, thanks also to my lovely beta (LunaKyria) for help with cleanup duty!

_I said, pass me a pen. -SH_

**And when did you say that? JW**

_An hour ago. Really, John. -SH_

**I've been out for two hours, Sherlock. JW**

_Have you? -SH_

_Where? -SH_

**A date. I told you this. JW**

_Oh. Was that Amanda the boring librarian or the other, Holly, Hailey...? -SH_

**Heather. JW**

_Ah, the pug-nosed one who distracted you from buying the milk. -SH_

**She is not pug-nosed. JW**

_When compared to the dog breed, there is a significant resemblance, John. -SH_

**Bit not good, Sherlock. JW**

_I apologise. -SH_

_However, I maintain that from an unbiased, purely artistically minded view (taking into account the significant effect the golden ratio has on one’s brain) her nose is an unfortunate feature of a not particularly fortunate face. -SH_

**You're trying to ruin this for me. JW**

_I'm doing no such thing, John. That would be childish and petty. -SH_

**You're a child. JW**

_That statement is patently untrue. -SH_

**Just get your own sodding pen. JW**

_Have decided to use your laptop. -SH_

_It’s closer. -SH_

**No. Stay away from that. JW**

_Futile I'm afraid,_ _John. Don't let your date eat the shellfish_ _. -SH_

**How could you possibly know about-... Nevermind. JW**

_Rubbing your forehead like that is unbecoming. -SH_

**Are you watching me? JW**

_No. -SH_

_Human behaviour is dull and predictable. -SH_

_Ugh_ _. Bored! -SH_

_Come home immediately. -SH_

**Why? JW**

_Cannot reach television remote. Reality TV may rot my brain! -SH_

_Am somewhat alarmed by sheer amount of stupidity in Britain. –SH_

**Better than America. JW**

_Your conclusion lacks solid evidence;_ _however, I’m inclined to agree. -SH_

_Bored! -SH_

_Almost as bored as your date. -SH_

_‘Cardiovascular abnormalities' is not a secure password, John. Really. -SH_

**Maybe I should change it to "Get a new damn flatmate, Sherlock!" JW**

_That would be neither convenient, nor secure. -SH_

**I hate you. JW**

_Unlikely. -SH_

_Do have the coffee. You're not getting any from her. -SH_

**Seriously, are you watching me or something? JW**

_You announced that you would be going for a walk then dinner. Though your leg is fully recovered you're still wary of it and never walk leisurely for more than approximately forty minutes. However, tonight is a fine night and assuming your date is amiable you would've pushed the walk to last to that self-imposed time schedule. Given the average rate of serving times in restaurants close to London's central parks – Hyde being your particular favourite - and your average eating speed when in public, you would have been served and finished your first course by now. Of course, the timing of the first course was confirmed by your earlier response to my mention of the shellfish. By now you have settled your main and are considering desert or retiring. I suggest desert. I doubt your date will be pleased by your continuous texting. -SH_

_*dessert. I was labouring under the delusion that_ _this was a 'smart' phone. -SH_

**I hate you. So very much. JW**

_Enjoy the coffee. -SH_

**I hate you so much. I cannot even fully express my hatred of you right now. JW**

_How is Holly? Do send my regards. -SH_

**Heather. JW**

_It's all greenery, John. Who names their child after greenery?_ _-SH_

**I like her name. JW**

_What about her? -SH_

**I like her too. JW**

_Have you decided on dessert or retiring? -SH_

**I'm coming home. JW**

_I'm composing. -SH_

**Changed my mind. Going to the pub. JW**

_Is there a game or some such? -SH_

**Nope. Just don't want to be around your 'composing'. JW**

_Ah. Understandable, I suppose. -SH_

_Although, I cannot see why a pub would be a better alternative. -SH_

**Because I don't want to deal with you. JW**

_Really, John. And you call me childish. -SH_

**I am avoiding you instead of fighting. How is that childish? JW**

_I suppose my behaviour over the course of your date was somewhat.... reprehensible. -SH_

**You suppose? JW**

_Alright, yes. I’m sorry, John_ _. -SH_

**Thank you. I still need at least one pint, though. JW**

_Very well. -SH_

_What is it that has people so fascinated with thin women manipulating other thin women in order to beat out the weakest? It appears to be much like those animal shows we watched. -SH_

**Sorry, what? JW**

_Still cannot reach remote. -SH_

**What are you watching? JW**

_Oh_ _, some 'Model' show. -SH_

 _'Fratre in arma'_ _for Violin is coming along. -SH_

_How is the pub? -SH_

**You're watching Britain's Next Top Model? JW**

_It appears so. -SH_

_Interesting study in human psychology. -SH_

**Sorry, 'Fratre in arma'? JW**

_My new piece John, do keep up. -SH_

**Yes, but my Latin is a bit rusty. Something about arms, or weapons? JW**

_Indeed. Largely irrelevant, John. -SH_

**What does it mean? JW**

‘ _Brothers in Arms’ -SH_

**Ah. What inspired you? JW**

_You. -SH_

**Me? JW**

_So it would seem -SH_

**Wow... I'm flattered. JW**

_Ah, well. Music is from life. And, ah, you're very... alive, John. -SH_

**Thanks for noticing that. JW**

_Haha, yes. Well, how is the nasty place you call your local, then? -SH_

**It's fine. Kind of dull tonight. I think I'm just going to finish my pint and come home. JW**

_Struck out with Holly tonight, then. Second date? -SH_

**Heather. JW**

_Yes, yes. -SH_

_Heather, then? -SH_

**That was our second date. Don't think there will be a third. JW**

_In your best interests, John. Completely unsuitable girl. And pug-nosed. -SH_

**She wasn't-... Forget it. JW**

_Forgotten. -SH_

**Thank you. JW**

_My pleasure, I suppose. -SH_

**Guess I'm alone for Valentine's. Again. JW**

_Valentine's? -SH_

_Who is Valentine? -SH_

**Valentine's Day. It's tomorrow. JW**

_Ah, again? Wasn't there one last year? -SH_

**It's kind of an annual thing. JW**

_Hm. You won't. -SH_

**I won't what? JW**

_Don't be obtuse, John. -SH_

_You won't be alone. -SH_

**I will, though. I'm not getting a girlfriend in one night. JW**

_Regardless, you're coming home. You'll be with me. Romantic company notwithstanding, I understand friends express some affection on the day as well. -SH_

**It's not the same. It's a couples’ day. I'm not part of a couple. JW**

_We are an excellent couple, John. You're a uniquely able partner. -SH_

**Romantic couple. JW**

_Ah. -SH_

**Which we are not. JW**

_No, I suppose not. -SH_

**You suppose not? JW**

_Ah, your previous statement was quite correct, John. -SH_

**Which one? JW**

_We are not a romantic couple. -SH_

**No, we're not. JW**

_No. -SH_

_I understand that you don't consider our relationship in that light. However, companionship - though platonic - is still preferable to being alone, is it not? -SH_

**I suppose. It's just... Been a while. JW**

_What has? -SH_

**You know... JW**

_Ah. Well, I suppose I can hardly help you with that. -SH_

**Yeah. I was kind of hoping I'd… y’know… get off with Heather.** **JW**

_Is that why you went to the pub? -SH_

**What do you mean? JW**

_To ‘pick someone up’? -SH_

**No. I don't do that. Not unless I'm really desperate. JW**

_Which you have implied you are. -SH_

_Are you coming home? -SH_

**God, I am desperate. JW**

_I think you should come home. -SH_

**I am. Unfortunately. JW**

_Unfortunately? -SH_

**Unfortunately I'm stuck by myself again. JW**

_I told you, John. You don't have to be alone. -SH_

**Unless you're offering to help me wank, I think I'm alone tonight. JW**

_Would you like that? -SH_

**...No! Sarcasm, Sherlock. I'm not... No! JW**

_Very well. I'll see you in the morning. -SH_

**...Were you seriously offering? JW**

_I should think that obvious. -SH_

**Right. Sorry. Should've known you weren't. JW**

_You see, but you do not observe, John. -SH_

**As you've told me many times over. JW**

_Indeed. –SH_

_Well, goodnight John. -SH_

**Sherlock... Yes or no? JW**

**Were you seriously offering to…** **assist me? JW**

_I merely wanted you to feel 'part of a couple' on Valentine's Day, John. It is after the witching hour now, after all. -SH_

_So... Yes. -SH_

**You want to help me wank? JW**

_Is there need to be so crude, John? -SH_

**You want to have sex with me? JW**

_I... I'm not opposed to the idea, no. -SH_

**Really? JW**

_Yes, John. God, yes. -SH_

**I thought you weren't into... Sex. JW**

_Ah, for a long time it’s_ _just been The Work. You're correct. -SH_

_I told you, I was married to it. But you... You're... Distracting. -SH_

**...Distracting how? JW**

_John, must I? -SH_

**Yes. JW**

_The way you don't seem to realise the exclamations of praise under your breath at crime scenes, the way you run your hand through your hair when you're thinking about what’s left in the fridge, the way you don't mind walking to the next Tescos after I got us banned from_ _our local_ , _how you bite your lip to hide the fact that_ _you find my jokes amusing when most people look unsettled, the fact that you're still here, that you'd call me friend though you have so many others to choose from. -SH_

_Also, you have a great arse, John. -SH_

_Your shoulders are wasted in jumpers. -SH_

**I was very touched. I'm blushing a little at the arse comment. JW**

_Yes, well. Satisfied? -SH_

**Not in the way I want to be. JW**

_I'm coming up –SH_

_;-) -SH_


End file.
